well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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