i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
