I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
