are you so shy because you have an std?
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
the liver wants what the liver wants
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
