Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
