Who did Billy Mays play for?
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Randomize
