Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
COCAINE IS GR8
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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