I cut my penus on the lid.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
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