don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I want to be your penis for a week.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
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