I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
