Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
it hurts more in the daytime
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
