I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
