i always forget guys have bellybuttons
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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