we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
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