Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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