I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
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