oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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