if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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