Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
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