I want to have your abortion
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Randomize
