I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Randomize
