is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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