you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
