he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
