You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
