i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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