Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
