What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Randomize
