theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
