im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
My balls are so social today.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Randomize
