the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
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