Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
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