How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Randomize
