I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
