this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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