So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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