I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
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