in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
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