this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
