Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Randomize
