We won't sleep together?
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
