watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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