Im at strip club and am horny
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
