I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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