There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
If I die, sorry about rent.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
