He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
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