dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
