Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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