Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Randomize
