Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
