whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
