I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I want to walk on stilts...naked
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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