Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
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