garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
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