her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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