The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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