also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize