Plan B is the new Plan A
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
