There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Randomize
