please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
