My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
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