I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
