I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
I'm really busy with my period
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