Need sex. Gaining weight.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
