You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize
