Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Randomize
