Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
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