Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
