Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
